The Stream and The Rock

I don’t have to look for challenges; they sit beside the bed waiting for me to get up; they want to wrestle me to the ground and sit on my chest; they want to win.  So do I.  I feel outclassed.  I want to go back to bed.

I am told to accept the challenge so I can feel the exhilaration of victory.  What victory?  This challenge shifts shape like the predator in the movie.  It’s three years since Barbara was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.  I’ve caught glimpses of this predator several times, but it remains a slinking killer.  There will be no victory, no exhilaration.   

A quote from Buddha goes: “In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins; not through strength, but through persistence.”  This is one thing I have going for me.  I persist.  I will wear on this rock where I can.  When I can’t, I will flow around it, smoothing the surfaces where possible.  I am a stream.  But I still won’t win.

Rather than this challenge being a struggle for victory, could this ugly, dreadful disease be a test?  One of those learning tests where the challenges help you to love more, to give more, to be more.  If so, it’s better than any therapist. 

I believe it can be done.  I really believe Barb and I can finish life together in a meaningful way.  Perhaps this is the challenge I try to define.  I do accept this challenge.  By the strength of God my mind will find a way.  The solution exists and we will grow into it.  –LG

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