Setting Things Straight

Some reactions to my last post (“Wrapping Up”) say it sounds a bit too final. “Are you planning Murder/Suicide?” goes the general tone. No, I’m not. I am planning on a life for Barbara and me that is relatively care-free. Currently, each day seems as if I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. This needs to stop. Barbara is happy in her Alzheimer’s. I want to be happy in my caregiving.

I think whether or not one lives a happy life can be measured by one’s state of mind when he wakes up in the morning. Most days I wake up with thoughts of dread. If there are meetings with doctors, consultants or attorneys, I dread every one of them. Moreover, the details of life seem at loose ends. These loose ends need to be tied up into a bow. Open-ended questions need to be answered with finality or, “wrapped up”.

I will not always have the energy for this “wrapping up” process. I barely have it now. I concentrate on doing things one step at a time. This seems the only way it can be done.

I probably need to conclude some items by making the decision to leave them undone. This is one way of wrapping up this item. In the words of my last post, I have less energy each day. It’s time to wrap it all up. It’s time to tie up loose ends. –LG

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