De Profundis

Psalm 130 (New International Version)

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD; 2 O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. 3 If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? 4 But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared. 5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. 6 My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. 7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. 8 He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins.

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.
— Macbeth (Act 5, Scene 5, lines 17-28)

Although I love the beauty of the Lord’s relationship to us, I dismiss it now as a source of solace. Reason is lacking in me also. I feel the extent of Barbara’s illness has come upon her unjustly. Nevertheless I must accept this experience and transform it, whatever its origin. I will actively accept sorrow and seek humility. Having lost everything dear to me, I do not accuse external forces, justified as this might be, but rather absorb these hardships through the love of family and friends and through doing those things in life which bring me joy, such as the recording of audio narrations and making long bicycle tours.

I want those who stand by me and have affection for me to know exactly in what mood and manner I face the world. There are times when the whole world seems to be no larger than my family room, and full of terror for me. Still I believe that God made a world for each separate man, and within that world, which is within us, one should seek to live. I accept redemption and fulfillment in this ordeal, realizing that this hardship has filled my soul with the fruit of experience, however bitter it may taste.

==

“Rough Side of the Mountain”
by Rev. F. C. Barnes

Verse 1:
Oh Lord, I’m strivin’,
tryin’ to make it through this barren land,
but as I go from day to day,
I can hear my Savior say,
“trust me child, come on and hold my hand.”

Chorus:
I’m comin’ up on the rough side of the mountain,
I must hold to God, His powerful hand.
I’m comin’ up on the rough side of the mountain,
I’m doin’ my best to make it in.
Verse 3:
This old race will be soon be over,
there’ll be no more race for me to run.
And I will stand before God’s throne,
all my heartaches will be gone,
I’ll hear my Savior say, “welcome home”.
Chorus:
I’m comin’ up on the rough side of the mountain,
I must hold to God, His powerful hand.
I’m comin’ up on the rough side of the mountain,
I’m doin’ my best to make it in.

–LG

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